Waking up Crying

Have you ever woken up and you are crying? You aren't sure why? You just have an overwhelming sense of sadness and there are tears so welled up in your eyes that they spill over and you can't catch them? That has happened to me a time or two or three in my life and it happened to me this morning.

When I went to bed last night I was full of joy and sat and talked with my husband and then prayed with my Lord. I drifted to sleep in that comfort. Why then so distraught upon the opening of my eyes?

The most intimate thoughts come to me. And it is usually of the children I have lost. I have suffered through many miscarriages. The latest one was just last year. No one saw that one coming...they took two blood tests to confirm it was not a mistake. After all, my tubes are tied.
And I was going through a testing time in my marriage, so the doctors thought it was stress. It was not. Not many people know, not even some of my family members. I lost another one. And I still don't feel fully recovered. I think this morning's tears are for her...somehow I think she was a girl...maybe it is because I feel like I'm losing my other daughter too. She is alive and well, but living so far apart from Christ.

So I'm a mess this morning. The tears will not stop flowing and I want this little one to know that I loved them. I loved all of them. And I can't wait to see them again some day. And I
want my daughter to know I love her...but more than anything I want her to know how much Christ loves her. I continue to pray that "He who began a good work in her will be faithful to complete it"...I know He is...I pray for her willingness to let Him.